Thursday, August 26, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
So I'm going to push through with my effort to start lucid dreaming. Not so that I can fuck celebrities every night but rather because it's a nice break from all other occurrences in day to day life. A niche part of existence that others can't pick at or even begin to comprehend. The complexity of the human mind I believe is unparalleled in a dream state. Logging my dreams has started to display patterns in my mental framework, the deeper I have delved into my own psyche I was even able to have simultaneous dreams that interconnected with one another, in one instance I used a telephone to contact myself in the dream I had previously had. Mental gymnastics or the mind yearning for connection with the senses, either way it's not important. There's a connection with the inner self here that I truly believe is worth fighting for.
I'm standing at 5'9, that's one hundred and 75 centimeters and i wonder why i still don't feel as though I've transitioned into an adult. Sure, on the exterior i suppose all is what it should be, a heightened ability to form muscle, the beginnings of what one day may be facial hair and so on, but when i stare in the mirror i still stare at a child. A naive creature who used cunning wordplay and bullshit to lay the foundation for the mature young man i hoped to be today. Overestimating my abilities earlier on in life and the overwhelming praise thrown at me has set me up for a lifetime of disappointment, a cluster of failed dreams and incomplete fragments of rampant aspiration. I have a thousand different areas of incomplete and ignored talent, all of which i was too lazy and stupid to ever focus open. Now I'm left sort of an awkward shell of what could have been a talented human being. By no means stupid, but with no real focus in any one area. I have thousands of ideas and niche skills that I've scratched the surface of, I'm sure on the surface I'm the worlds most fucking well rounded person. Speak to me for any longer than 5 minutes and watch it crumble, I'll slip apart the second any depth of knowledge is required. And now i sound like an angry pessimist, because I'm too mentally exhausted to try and focus on any one of the infinite life concepts that intrigue me. One day i''m a musician, the next a physicist. I can barely finish an entire book without wondering why i started in the first place.
"If we all attempted everything offered in life half arsed, we would be the worlds most well rounded human beings."
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Since the concept of "the past" exists relatively, that is to say, how i perceive an event in comparison to the person sitting next to me will differ entirely. Then time doesn't "move" forward, because it can't "exist" backwards, as the past is based on unique memories. altered by an unimaginable amount of factors. Thus time as we know it is simply a constraint designed by human beings to measure existence.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Since i have stopped studying, my mind feels sharper than ever. When i say study, that's a little off-putting, because I'm only referring to my school books. For for the last 2 or so weeks, i would say i have opened my bag, twice, three times at the absolute maximum. Since doing this, I've had time to really think, every moment of my day is now occupied with deep, meaningful thought. I'm starting to question again, because taking life for face value is for chumps. If everything you are presented is "truthful" and logical, then you may as well be dead and buried in the ground. It is human nature to question what we don't understand, so don't let yourself become a mindless pawn in life's chess game.
I have been reading again with all of my acquired spare time. For 6 years i didn't read one book. Yet, for some reason, every morning i wake up and rush straight to my bookcase. The rush i feel from reading now is unparalleled. My mind is opened, conversation is sharper and i feel strong on my toes for the first time in 16 years.
To be taken seriously, one must be able to poke fun, and find humor in the surrounding world.
That means also, being able to point out our own trivial traits and quirks. Once we can identify with our own flaws, come to terms with them, and then laugh, we are ready to show our true colours. But then, and only then.