Saturday, July 31, 2010

I'm standing at 5'9, that's one hundred and 75 centimeters and i wonder why i still don't feel as though I've transitioned into an adult. Sure, on the exterior i suppose all is what it should be, a heightened ability to form muscle, the beginnings of what one day may be facial hair and so on, but when i stare in the mirror i still stare at a child. A naive creature who used cunning wordplay and bullshit to lay the foundation for the mature young man i hoped to be today. Overestimating my abilities earlier on in life and the overwhelming praise thrown at me has set me up for a lifetime of disappointment, a cluster of failed dreams and incomplete fragments of rampant aspiration. I have a thousand different areas of incomplete and ignored talent, all of which i was too lazy and stupid to ever focus open. Now I'm left sort of an awkward shell of what could have been a talented human being. By no means stupid, but with no real focus in any one area. I have thousands of ideas and niche skills that I've scratched the surface of, I'm sure on the surface I'm the worlds most fucking well rounded person. Speak to me for any longer than 5 minutes and watch it crumble, I'll slip apart the second any depth of knowledge is required. And now i sound like an angry pessimist, because I'm too mentally exhausted to try and focus on any one of the infinite life concepts that intrigue me. One day i''m a musician, the next a physicist. I can barely finish an entire book without wondering why i started in the first place.

"If we all attempted everything offered in life half arsed, we would be the worlds most well rounded human beings."

Jesse Bartle.

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